Why do I run

Ok I actually wrote this a few months back and never posted it.  A lot of stuff has gone on and I can say that after knee surgery I was and have been on an emotional roller coaster and probably depressed with a few things. But part of that is allowing yourself to get there and not controlling yourself. It was affecting my job, personal life and some people around me I am sure.  I don’t believe I will make a return back to any long distance running this season, I will limit myself to some 5k runs and sprint triathlons but I am able to be back at it and so far pain free. Anyway more updates to some here is a post I wrote about why I run. I read it to myself and with clinics coming up, I realized that I need to read some of the stuff I write once in a while, because it isn’t actually too bad of stuff to read.

Why do I run?

            I just had a recent opportunity to sit down and really think about this and think about, why do I run? Or lately more so about the lack of running I have been doing with my knee injury. Ya ya ya, you are sick of hearing about this knee of mine. Well so am I frankly, sick of living with it too. But alas I finally have a surgery date and glad that it was finally booked. Booked for Dec 21 this year. 4-5 holes in my knee with some of the meniscus that will be cut off the posterior side, along with bone fragment removed. And then a buckle tear that will be repaired on the Anterior side of my knee. I have researched this enough in the last little while that I was tempted to do my own surgery. I hear that I can be very impatient at times, at least that is what some people tell me.

Ok I digress as usual. I was recently questioned a couple times about why I run and about my first 5km race and my fastest 5km race time and the circumstances made me realize I should put running in its real perspective and how the majority of the people I run with see it. First of all lets start off with my first 5km race it was 33:something something something.. Who cares what it was?? I ran with a friend that was in a “Learn to run clinic”. The first run clinic that I helped with in 2010 and I had never personally raced a 5k run before. You see I started running as a goal to get healthy, loose weight or was it lose weight? (Go ahead laugh you know who you are, Engineers can’t spell) I also needed running to achieve a bigger goal of doing my first triathlon. My time was based on the girl I was running with it was her first race and I was there to help her get through it. So you see my first 5km race wasn’t even about me and my own achievement. I paid my entry fee and I ran my first race to support someone else. Yes she swore a few times while running yes we stopped and walked a couple of times and yes I made her start running again. So you see my very first 5k race was not even my time. You know why. My race times are not important to me in the big picture.

Race times are personal goals you set for yourself for unselfish reasons. They are there to monitor your own improvement and your own gains in your health. Running is competitive to you and not to others. The running community is supportive of one and other no matter what your time is. I gained so much more helping someone get to the end of their race rather then trying to beat anyone’s time. You can’t not replace that feeling even with the feeling I had on my fastest 5km run. By the way I felt on the verge of puking and massive side stitch pain. Crossing a finish line and telling someone you beat them in their run time is not something I have ever heard at a race since I started in 2010. Because run times are personal.

I run to get healthy, maintain health, help others achieve what they thought were impossible goals. I run to get out my front door and leave work and the world behind. I run to get in that zone where music pumps in your ears and your feet hit the ground in a fluid motion and every step removes another ounce of stress from my body. I make the fear, anger, and stress, anxiety leave my brain and I sink into the lazyboy section of my brain and shut off the rest of the world. It helps me escape in a way that no other legal option could. Come on you were thinking it too.

This brings me to my fastest time. I have yet to set my fastest time for various reasons. I have seen improvements in my triathlon sports and I continue to see them. So my fastest time today is not going to be my fastest time tomorrow. I will come back from my knee, recover and I will beat my previous times, I will also reach a point where improvements will be far and few between unless I dedicate my life to these sports and that isn’t going to happen. I like to live life a little too. I like beer, scuba diving, helping others and taking on other challenges. In the end only I look at my times and care about them. I run with people much faster then me and I run with people much slower then me. Fast and slow is only relative toyou if you are concerned about it. It does not solely represent who I am when I run.

I run because I can and because I can help others. I run because running has taught me more about life then I could ever imagine. I learn from running because I allow myself to learn from my life experiences. Mostly I run because my training partner says “It Builds Character” I personally think she has been lying to me all these years but I still keep falling for it.

What ever the reason make sure you run for you. Run for yourself. If you are no, Than you are just wasting your time and missing out on a real opportunity of what running can provide you in your life.

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A Fairwell to my best friend-

If you don’t like sad things. I suggest you close the page now and move on. If you can bare with me then you will understand why and you likely already know anyways about the passing of my best friend, my puppy Sasha.

Today I had to help my best friend over the rainbow bridge. I had to say good bye to my beloved Sasha. I knew this day would come sometime and I have lived in fear of it for a while now. I did not know it would be this hard. So to help me through this I am going to do what I do. I am going to write down here and help get it off my chest if only to ease a little pain.

Nov 9 2002 Sasha was born. Tina and I were on a long waiting list and frankly the list was even longer to start. See I had to convince Tina to get a dog she really never wanted a dog. I on the other hand wanted an Alaskan Malamute since I was about 15-16. Once I selected a breeder and Tina and I went up to meet her and her dogs it only took a few wooos and some howling and prancing paws to convince her that she was now a dog person. I remember I was driving home from way up north snowmobiling when we got the call we could pick her up. I came home turned around and right back up to London to get her. She had the worst puppy breath ever. If you are ever thinking of a Malamute this is one downside that is for sure.

We brought home the little bundle of joy and loved her and snuggled her. We tried caging her like a good dog and puppy to start and did it in another room. Right off the bat she showed us how stubborn and determined she was. She would back up and slam the cage to move it closer to the door to come see us. I had to give in and put her cage beside us in the Bedroom. At 40 lbs I tied her to my snowmobile to run in the house while BBQing and I came back out to find my snowmobile 8 feet further ahead. Determined strong bugger who didn’t want to be away from us. I also remember her one ear finally lifting and going into place from floppy puppy ear. It was like two weeks later and Tina thought her other ear was broken and might never go into place. Well it did finally. Which is good, I was afraid I might come home and find that Tina duct taped the ear up.

She was born near the same time as a friend of ours son. I recall them coming over to see her and he was sound asleep in baby carrier and Sasha tore over him and cause the carrier to to a full barrel roll. Needless to say the little dude never woke up. Sasha ate 2 of our couches as a puppy and I am sure I was mad at her and yelled. But she still wagged her tail and kissed me as to say “Hey I did a good job on this giant stuff toy right?”

We had numerous trips to Tobermory with her camping and walking up town where she would woooo at everyone until she got everyones attention. Or she would wooo at us and I would always talk to her like she was chewbacca from star wars “What’s wrong with the hyper drive chewy?” She won everyone’s heart where ever she went. But she never won Tina or I’s heart. She completely Stole it from us and we loved every minute with her. My dog soon turned into Tina’s big 85 lb lap dog. We took her swimming at the light house in Tobermory and down the boat ramp where she wanted to eat or chase the ducks. She laid by campfires where I was always worried her giant coat would go up in flames some day because she got so close to it.

She even helped me get back into running a few weeks ago after my knee surgery when I took her on a few runs. I could go on and on and on about all the amazing things she did for myself Tina and others. Converted a few non dog lovers to Sasha lovers. Watching her turn this weekend was a rough thing to do. So Tina and I spent last night and this morning giving her lots of snuggles. I never thought I could do it but I took her in this morning and yes putting a dog down is rough. But she has been in pain for a while and she was stubborn enough to keep fighting pain. We knew it was time and to watch her go to peace today put me at ease. She had a smile on her face and I could tell the pain she had this weekend was gone. She had lost a lot of weight the last few weeks and wasn’t eating. Xrays on Sunday showed a Large Mass in her stomach that was pushing things over and making it hard for her to eat and digest and causing pain. I seen enough pain and I was able to relieve her of that and see her at peace today.

I am torn between tears of sadness and happiness hitting my keyboard as I type. I just spent some time with Tina and hung her collar up on the mirror of my car so she will always be with me. She is running free now with many other friends dogs. She is at the Rainbow Bridge and no longer in pain and I hoep she is woooing and stomping her feet playing in the snow where I will be reunited with her some day. The day you say good bye to your best friend is harder then any other. Because they love you unconditionally like no human can. They listen to you on sad days happy days and they just love you no matter what. An Unconditional love that can never be replaces.  I didn’t want to put this out there I know it will upset some of you as you read. But as I pulled in my drive way and didn’t see a dog in the window the pain in my heart needs to be relieved and this is one of the only ways I know how.

I am sorry if I upset anyone.

Tina and I both love our beloved Sasha “Terrapin’s Sugar N’ Spice” A sweet heart that I will never be able to replace. My heart aches for you baby. Run Free           sasha5

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Post Surgery

Well, I promised I wouldn’t fall off the blog wagon.

It has been about 13 hours since I woke up in the recovery room at the hospital from my knee surgery. If you read my last blog, you know I was stressed and freaking out about being in the hospital, and the surgery taking place. Well here is where you can all laugh and call me a wimp, because it didn’t go that bad if you ask me now. Sure I am wide awake at 5am and I am getting some pain meds in me. By the way I got ripped off on the good stuff. Crappy ass Tylenol 3. Whoopy shit! That stuff does nothing for me. I suspect that the swelling and pain will become worse over the next 24-36 hours and that will be the worst of it. I am trying not to walk much but I am baring weight on it already.

So in my usual fashion of little things going wrong and playing with my patience leading up to this, I started to get nasal congestion and what I thought was a cold coming on before surgery. They won’t operate on me while sick. I contacted a friend that is a nurse and her sister, and spoke to both of them. I left work on Wed., came home, ate good hot spicy foods and more manderins and other fruit then I care to think about. Several applications of my Neti-pot to keep sinus cavity clear. Crisis number 1 seemed to be avoided. Thursday I got a call they pushed my surgery back 30 mins. No big deal. Went in on Friday and there were power outages happening at the hospital, so surgeries were behind about 2 hours. This made the stay leading up to it not so awesome for a guy like me in panic mode. Only other time I have been in the hospital really is when I was bitten by a spider and had to spend several days in there back in grade 12 with tubes running through my leg and talks of amputation if the swelling didn’t go down. So you see I hate hospitals and surgery talk. And this was my first time being put out.

Ok so I get even more wimpy. You might laugh at this but I wasn’t the only one there that did this. After not eating for oh 13 hours they put a needle in my vein and then hooked up my IV. The minute they turned the IV on and it I felt the cold rush up my arm, I started to get dizzy. Good thing I knew the nurse doing this. I was focusing on her. She asked if I was ok. I said I was a bit dizzy. Cause hey I am a man and I can take it right. Ya it turns out I went white as a ghost and they had to put me on a bed. The tunnel vision kicked in and I darn near passed out. Once up and on the bed I was ok laying down. I know I know what all my women friends that have had kids are thinking. Men are such babies, total wussys…. Well ladies… you are right. I was lucky to have good people at my side yesterday. And I knew several staff at the hospital as well which helped to calm me a bit. And by a bit I mean you could apparently feel my heat beat in my right shoulder leading up to my surgery.

Finally the time came and they wheeled me back and had me stand up to go into the ER room. I went to stand up and my hospital gown caught and well everyone got to see the full me exposed at the ER. I really kept trying to claim how cold it was in there and I apologized for not give them a big show. I swear it really was like as cold as when you step into the lake in the spring. Men you totally know where I am going with this right. Meh by this point I didn’t care I just wanted it done. So they put me down on the operating table and the Anesthesiologist talked to me about how she was going to put two medications in me. The first to relax me and the second one would go in a little later too………………………… Wooooo what the hell room am I in and what is this mask on my face. Oh hello lady when does my surgery start. What do you mean I am done and I just lost 2hs hours of my life. I guess I am a total light weight I passed right out before the second med was even delivered.

I came to feeling pretty well. A couple of checks on my blood pressure and I was wheeled out into recovery with people waiting for me. Here is where some things get funny. First thing I did was check to see they left my manhood attached and they had not added a vagina. No seriously I did this. Then the nurse got me some fiber cookies and gingerale. Apparently I asked if I looked like I was 70 and needed fiber cookies. I had jujubes waiting for me YAY. As I was eating those the nurse tried to tell me they would be good they contained protein. I almost went into a full on debate about how they don’t and how she was an idiot but I was sort of shushed. Which is best. I do recall having a confused look on my face when she told me no. They really do contain protein and gelatin made from goat hoofs. To which I then responded Really Goats feet. I like Goat Cheese so I guess that is ok.

I know I also told someone they looked Pretty when I seaw them. I am sure I wasn’t lying about this. I was just speaking freely and why not? Now is your chance to say what you want and blame it all on the drugs right? I was also told that as they wheeled me in to recovery amongst a full recovery room I announced in a loud voice about being pissed off that I didn’t turn into a zombie and become the one to start the world Apocalypse yesterday. I am told several people around me were shaking their head and possibly felt sorry for the people with me. I think there were several other things I said as well but lets leave it at that. I might toss them in the next update.

I will say overall I am doing well; much better then I anticipated or was all worked up about. I have a lot of good friends by my side and many people asking for updates. I appreciate all of you that checked in with me yesterday and I will get a good chance to do a write up on the knee icing wrap that was provided me by the owners of Up&Running. I see lots of Netflix and TV time in the next few days. After recovery it is time to get back to some working out, eating right and on the road to 2013 with some triathlons in the future. I may not be able to pull off my half Ironman this year but I am certainly not counting it out at this point. Time will tell if that happens or not. For now I just want to get back to running with friends, enjoying my work outs pain free, doing run clinics for the spring at the store and being able to scuba dive this season. Something I really enjoy doing. If I can get back to that capacity this year I will have a great year.

Thanks Everyone for your support

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It has been too long

First let me apologize for not updating in so long.

This will be the last blog update before my surgery. I know everyone is tired of hearing about it. Hell I am tired of hearing about it and talking about it and I feel like a complainer. I would like to even punch myself at times. My surgery is this coming Friday Dec 21. End of the world on they Mayan Calender if you believe that stuff. I would like to think after planning that many years ahead, the Mayans finally said “F**k it after this they should be able to figure out the rest, right?”

Well I have waited a long time for this to take place and the pain in the last few months has been building up. From only doing shorter runs and bike rides to the point where my morning 1.5km walk with my dog leaves me in pain at the end of the walk and I take 2000 mg a day of Anti-inflamatory. My knee was popping out of place every few weeks to almost every day now and sometimes several times a day. It was when it popped out just 5 mins ago and I fell down 3 stairs, I decided it was time to sit down and update my blog that I have been avoiding. Truth is I have about 4 blog updates, but just didn’t post any of them in the last few months. I think fear of this surgery not fixing things and fear of me not being able to return to the new life style I adopted has actually scared me into a corner. Something I have tackled many times in my life is fear, but for some reason, this time I have let it actually cripple me in some ways. I could have been swimming this whole time with this injury. In fact I just did 700 horrible meters of swimming the other week. That was a tough go and felt horrible and left my shoulders and arms burning. A feeling I used to yearn for almost every day while training for my triathlons and runs. But no longer seem to enjoy.

Now I am not sure why I am lacking motivation. Maybe it is the pain I feel with my knee with everything I do, Maybe it is time to have some downtime in working out after a few solid years of changing my life. Maybe it is Fear of not being able to return to triathlons and running. Maybe because I feel I made the decision in 2012 to do my first Half Ironman. In my own mind, not doing it because of this injury, makes me feel a bit like a failure. I think even at this very moment as I type I am still unsure of the root cause of this. I have found myself looking at some Half Ironman distance races for next year late in the season and wondering could I make enough of a come back to accomplish this goal? Or is this just a silly goal and I should pack it all in and not even worry about it. I can’t register this early for a race due to the fact that it could be wasted money I can’t afford to give up. But I might also miss an opportunity to get into a race I want. I should be aiming for a return to some small races this year. But something about not aiming for a Half Ironman seem so empty. I don’t have another word to describe it. I tend to believe you need to Aim high and bite off more then you can chew. Or take a task that puts you in over your head. For at those times you see true success within yourself. Fear also makes us numb to the world at times. Fear puts us in a corner and helps us not make life changing decisions. This time I am having a very difficult time looking fear in the eyes. Although I have a growing desire to punch fear in the crotch. It is a mixture of fear and anger now.

I am sure my mood will change after I make it through surgery. I won’t lie I am actually scared shitless of this surgery. I understand it is minor everyday surgery and people go through this all the time. But I also recall my Dad having a major surgery in the early 80’s and darn near not coming out of the anesthesia. He is also no longer here with me to talk me through this and I hope he will be watching over me this Friday. Funny my Dad has been gone for over 8 years and yet I still feel I keep learning from him every day.

Not trying to be a jerk but I don’t want comments on how I will be ok. I don’t want people to telling I will be fine and return in response to this blog. There is no need to comment on this blog entry this time. I prefer you don’t actually. I just needed to get this out there and off my chest no matter how raw and personally exposing this is right now. I need to not keep it in right now.

I know deep down that everything will workout and I will be making a return to this sport even if my Doctor keeps telling me I am done running. It is those types of comments that will make me come back to this and say Nener nener nener. It is also important for me to make a solid return to running and get back to helping people in Learn to run clinics this coming spring. I think for now that is my primary goal. Because I have gained more from helping other people then I ever will from some silly race. After that I will feel out the healing and my return and I promise to make weekly updates on my recovery and how things are going. I will start with Late Dec21 after surgery or Dec22 the day after.

 

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Knee and REV3 Update

Ok So Rev 3 Cedar Point is done and Sybil that took my spot did completely AWESOME in her first Half Ironman. She had a strong swim and a solid bike ride, in fact those last few weeks on the bike training with her must have have worked. I seen a solid improvement in her cycling ability over a few weeks. Sybil was already a solid swimmer and I knew she had the run under control but the biking was an area for improvement. She totally put her head down took on the cycling and even did some hard rides into the wind on her own.  Regardless I watched online most of the day as REV3 took place. Part of me wanted to be there to cheer her on the other part of me couldn’t go and watch. Sybil you did awesome and I am so proud to have been part of your journey to get there and glad you took my spot in REV3.

So the MRI is finally done on my knee and I finally have some answers. I have both Meniscus in my right knee torn. The Posterior Meniscus is severely torn with a piece of bone fragment floating around in that area. Mostly likely from when I was hit by the car in the spring. That also explains the clicking noise in my knee and explains the extreme pain I can be in from time to time. I have done some runs when I needed them mentally but I seriously paid for each of them after. My knee would swell up and I would even run with a limp while running. The Anterior meniscus is also torn and requires repair. So Canadian Health care system is what I have to rely on now. My family Doctor has changed my Orth Surgeon to a new one in town in hopes I could get in faster and because he felt Dr. Turnbull would do a better job on this type of a surgery. My previous Orth wouldn’t even review my MRI until Feb 6th.

Long and short of it is I will need to have surgery on both sides and we are going to work on seeing if he will do both surgeries at the exact same time. I want to be back Up & Running (yes pun intended) for the spring time. 2013 goals are to rehab, get back to running safely and socially with people. Maybe go to a few races but def not working on any personal best times. I am not sure if 2013 will bring on the challenge to complete a Half Ironman. That may even have to wait until 2014. But I assure you I will do a Half Ironman and I will run another Half Marathon, when I can do it safely. For now I miss the social side of running. I had to go back to one of my own Blogs from earlier where I said GOALS are adjustable. They really are, you just have to put things in perspective.

Being injured and running has brought some new things into my life this summer. Some amazing things actually. Along with not being able to run I have taken up Yoga this summer. Yes yes I made fun of yoga before. But I am allowed to retract all my previous comments on how yoga is for tree hugging granola eating vegans. ya ya ya… SORRY I take it all back I am a jerk.

Yoga has proven to be a hard work out and it is building core strength like I would have never believed. I leave yoga feeling so much better mentally and physically it is unbelievable. I have honestly woke up the day after yoga feeling as sore as I have from P90X yet a little more refreshed then P90X. The upside is even without running I not only broke through that 200 lb mark I am actually down to 188lbs a number I never thought I would see in my life. Mind you winter is around the corner so I am sure I better stare at that number right now and love it. I don’t think I will see it for too long.

Here is the other thing. Ok look this part is going to get a little graphic if you need the PG-13 version stop reading. Ok so early on in yoga I was there with my friend and near the end of the class everyone was able to get in this shoulder stand position and then flow through that to a reverse plough. Now I seen this position and laughed a little and couldn’t even come close to considering doing it. Either you know what it is and you are laughing at me already or you need to look it up in google and then you can laugh at while I didn’t even try this. Well several months later believe it or not, I can do the shoulder stand and I can get into reverse plough. The upside I am bendy now. The down side is I am totally staring at my own CROTCH when I am in this position and it kind of horrifies me that it is right there in my own face. The other down side of this is the 4 times I have done this now. I also end up giggling every time I get into this position. Maybe one day I will feel at ease with it. I am happy I have the strength and the flexibility to do this now. It is proof that Yoga is a good workout and it can improve your core strength. I hope that when I am back to running this added strength will help prevent injury.

Anyone considering Yoga should break though that door of a yoga studio, avoid your fear of going and try it out. It is amazing.

That is all for now. I will update when I know more about my surgery.

 

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So REV3 Cedar Point Half Ironman

One week from today I was going to do my first Half Ironman of my life. It was going to be a challenge and a goal to help me celebrate all the physical changes I have made in my life. It was for me to prove a point to myself that I could get though this physical and mental challenge. I wanted to prove to myself an no one else that I truly have accomplished something over the last few years. Because here is the thing with making a lifestyle change. People around you tell you how great you have done and how good you are and how it is awesome to see you the way you are now.

But I think as someone that spent 36 years overweight and struggling and 2 years being fit. You still look in the mirror and see a fat guy you never want to return to. You fear that return and think that one extra bag of chips will take you back there in a blink of an eye. You have spent a brief time in this athletic world so many others have spent a life in. And you question yourself and if you should be there. This one goal I secretly set over a year ago was going to be the thing for me to quantify it to myself. Sadly as you have read in previous blog updates, I can not do this race.

I was able to transfer my spot to a girl in town that wanted to do her firs HIM as well. I have invested some time with her on bike rides and transitions and going over flat tires and how to use my Garmin for her run etc etc. Last weekend we managed to get in a nice 80ish km ride for her last long ride before taper week. I think I have done all I can do to prepare her for her race and I want to see her succeed in her race. Part of me wishes I was going to cheer her on, but the other part of me can spend no time at that race and watch it all go down.

So the upside of today was that our learn to run clinic from the summer all did their first 5km run today and watching them was completely awesome. That picked my spirits up today for sure seeing them all accomplish that. Down side is it was the first Learn to run clinic I didn’t have any personal connection to anyone in the group in 2 years. Makes me realize how much running and helping people is part of my life and who I am. I need that in my life and I love that part of who I have become. I think I have always helped people in careers, scuba diving, running, triathlon. Watching other people succeed is important to me because I know how tough it was for me and several others around me I have seen do it.  I know how alone the journey feels at times. I have had many times where I feel alone. Triathlon and Half Ironman distance is about being alone and racing yourself physically and mentally and proving yourself to yourself. It Touches you in ways nothing else can. To all my friends racing Cedar point in the coming weekend that I know. Jeff, Sybil, Helen have a great race, remember to enjoy the day and think of me at times when you are digging deep and need something to help push you though. When you question yourself “Why am I doing this” It is time to push through. I know I wish I could be right there with you racing. But I will have to wait my turn. For this is not my turn for some reason or another that I can not control right now.

I am sure that min you cross the line to get your finisher medal you will feel touched in ways only a few things in life can do when they touch you. Good luck to all of you. I hope to hold a medal high next year and earn it the way I deserve to. I am not sure which race I will pick next season. Maybe REV3 again but it will depend on my knee and if I need surgery and how long to rehab.

But I won’t give up on my dream and I won’t let something small get in my way of completing it. I will get to feel that touched feeling when I wear my medal next year. I will get back to running so I can get back to clinics and get back to racing.

To all of the people I know that ran today. It still amazes me how much Chatham Kent has grown in becoming a much more active healthy community to live in. I am glad myself and a bunch of friends have been a part of that and that I can help foster that.

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What to do?

Long time no talk again. Ok I didn’t leave everyone hanging as long this time. Did I mention I have to wait til Sept 17th for my damn MRI and that it feels like it is light years away. Like some star date in Capt. Kirk’s log. I have called and fought with my doctor and with the hospital to get on a cancellation list and asked for referral numbers to get into other MRI clinics. These are the days when you look at your taxes off your pay and our health care and say bad 4 letter words. Go head if you are as foul as me insert a few right here _____. I really want to but I am afraid I will offend at least one person who has no bearing on my future but they will complain anyways.

In the mean time I managed to finish my Rebreather Cross over to my new rebreather for scuba diving and managed some deeper dives up in Tobermory with good friends. And a nice long River dive that had me under water for 161 mins straight before surfacing. These other hobbies have held me at bay for now. But I am really starting to fester about things. We had a Brilliant Pub run on Saturday with the Up & Running crew. I drove around and took pictures for everyone because I still can’t run. It was great to be out and be social with everyone and see everyone having so much fun and I was able to provide pictures for follow up incase a few people I know do not recall the night. Some of them may have ended up at a pizza place later speaking in loud foul voices while giggling and acting like kids. Kudos to them I say. I do have to say that deep down inside it was a bit painful to watch everyone run while not be part of it. I never thought I would say this but I truly miss running. I miss helping Stef along the store with the run clinics, they have done a great job making me still feel like a part of it. However after helping with so many and being sidelined this entire clinic and probably most of the next clinic, it is really getting to me.

Patience is a virtue my @SS. I keep saying that you have to adjust targets and life gets in the way and all of that is true. But DAMN I have not patience. I do not want to wait til Sept for the MRI and then knows how long until surgery or recovery or whatever has to happen.

I find myself looking at new running shoes and not being excited, not picking up my copies of runners world, not doing anything. Today I did manage to get out and put just shy of 70km on my bike today and 30+ km of fairly hard riding thanks to my training partner. This is the first time I feel like I have worked in a while. The up and down side is I feel great, I feel refreshed, I feel tired from finally working hard. I find myself on websites dreaming of a new triathlon bike not that I can afford one or I am going to buy a new one. But more of dreaming I will still need one. I am also looking at Half Ironman races for next year and with hope, I am looking at what will be my race for next year? But that nagging question pops into my head.

Will I even be able to do it? Is it just some pipe dream that will will never happen? I know I know if you are reading this right now you are all saying Damn right you are going to do this. I know you and I know you can do this. There has to be one heckler out there that is saying “You silly short dude you were never built to do this” However I think that guy is in the back of my head. I am glad I rarely listen to him anymore, but I hear it more often right now.

More so I just wish I could go out and run to deal with my stress. I never realized that running could be so therapeutic back when I was eating chips and dip and thought that worked. The less I ate chips and dip the less I missed them. The less I run, the more I miss it and what it does for me. I have found yoga in the mean time and it is helping with stretching and helping me a little bit on the mental side. Damn yoga is a work out too and requires muscles I didn’t know I had. It isn’t the same as running but it is helping me by keeping me active and mentally focused.

If you ran this weekend. Hold  your head high, you have done something not many others do and you have improved your physical and mental health. When you have a bad run next time, remember this. You are capable of running and even a bad run is a good run if you get it done. Because right now I would be happy having the worst run of my life tonight. I would be happy sweating, aching, sore, upset stomach feeling like you want to puke run.

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