Quads of Fire

So as I type I can feel the burning in my legs. The burning of someone who just ran outside for the first time in what seems like forever. Based on this winter and my lack of exercise over the last year. I can say that I deserve this burning sensation completely today. I feel as if I ran a half marathon yesterday and I will be spending the next few days in recovery. Reality is that I only ran just a hair over 4 km at a pace much slower than I used to run. I blame the pace and the burning on the fact that the sidewalks were still covered in snow or water or that Northern atmospheric pressure caused this. Reality is I am just way out of running shape.

I was either sliding around and bumping into my running friend or splashing through puddles like a kid enjoying a soaker. I would normally state that I hate this sensation of cold wet feet. However yesterday in 6 Degree weather and sun shining down on my face, it was AMAZBALLZ.

Finally a glimmer of hope, some thawing of winter, the birds might have been chirping, the world may have looked like bliss and I might have been taking in all there was to take in during an outdoor run. Instead about 1 km into it I was weezing, burning side stitch, heart rate through the roof and moments of fear that I might be having a heart attack due to chest pains. Ok it was a side stitch and I am being a bit over dramatic. I can say I am still of the opinion that sometimes runs are great and sometimes they suck, but they always feel good when you are done them.

It is spring time remember to give yourself some grace. Running on a treadmill just isn’t the same as running out doors. Running for Maintenance through the winter isn’t the same as running all the time in the spring summer and fall. Some people around me managed to run all winter. I prefer not to suffer through that kind of miserable weather, they are better people than I am. I must enjoy my workout somewhat or I won’t do it. This is why I don’t do boot camps, they are not for me and I don’t enjoy them or find them to be fun. So I won’t stick with them.

With that said I came home from said run and we manage to cook a deeeelish quick and easy pork and black bean fajitas with my lovely partner. Between splitting up cutting, chopping cooking and dealing with the youngest kid. I sort of sat here today for a min and realized that dinner took place so smoothly and having a real partner is an amazing thing. We both took on different aspects of the work and just flowed through it, without having to ask each other. Mostly just both trying to help each other complete the task and enjoy the tasty goodness after. Sometimes life is crazy and busy and we don’t get to sit down much. Our house can be messy, there are always 2-3 loads of laundry on the go with 5 people in the house. The youngest daughter has hand prints on everything, even though I just washed them off the day before. Kids events to partake in or crafts or hanging out with the kids and saying to heck with the chores. Do the dishes pile up? does the house get messy 2 mins after you clean it? Will some people walk in my house and judge me. More than likely. But you know what, I don’t frigging care. I will take busy  work life followed by active lifestyles for all of us. Good partnership, good friendships and always on the go. Before I will ever take stuck at home always cleaning, being neat and tidy and never doing anything outside the house.

So bring on the summer weather, days at the beach or splash pad with kids. Future runs while the oldest child rides her bike with me. Family bike rides and swimming. BBQ’s and hanging out with Family. Amie enjoying Beach volleyball and some yoga with me. Scuba diving and motorcycle riding around the corner. I can now safely come out from hibernation and stop making excuses for not running outside. I guess I need to pick some races and or start sending messages to running friends to pick days we should get back running.

Just give me a few more days and a couple more jars of biofreeze and then we can plan next run.

 

By the way this means I blogged again. I will trump 2014 in no time.

Blogging

It was pointed out to me by my cousin at Christmas that I have completely stopped blogging. I would have to say she made a very valid statement. I have been pretty happy in my life and wrapped up in it, I would say I have turned slightly inward and didn’t feel the need to blog. But also forgot that having a blog means being active on it and having some kind of digital history for my family to read. Like the kids or other friends I haven’t connected with in a while physically but

Fear is something I blogged about before and hard conversations. I guess blogging leads to similar things happening. The longer you don’t blog the more you fear that it has been too long, and why bother now. Kind of like friendships and acquaintances you have in your life. Sometimes you wish you would spend more time talking to them or making sure you catch up with them. But then life gets in the way and time passes and then you fear you have nothing in common or you are too exhausted to get up and do anything with someone. You make more excuses for not seeing them or catching up. You find the one or two things that maybe they annoy you with and generate and internal reason why not to catch up. Lets face it we are all annoying in some way or another. I am sure I do a lot of things that get on a lot of peoples nerves. By they way I am not asking any of you to input the answers in the comments section, please keep those to yourself. This blog hosting company only had so much data !!! You can keep those thoughts to yourself or at least chuckle about them without me. Not that I don’t want to improve myself, but I would hate for all of you to start comparing notes and realize I am not as good as I think I am. BAHAHA. ok ok stop laughing, wipe up the coffee you just spit out.

The reality is I feel I dedicated my year to my household, my daughter, my partner, the other kids and my first year in my job. All of these were more important than working out. Racing triathlons and running with groups and cycling along with scuba diving for some part all took a backburner. At times our house is very busy and I wonder how some other people pull off the whole Martha Stewart everything is perfect approach. Well let’s not forget that she went to jail as well. So behind all that awesomeness that you see in some people who have it together. I am sure they fall apart behind the scenes from time to time like the rest of us. Or at least I will envision that they do so that I feel normalish.

Two times I blogged in 2014. So I am already 50% of the way there for 2015. I guess I have no where to go but up this year. I am getting back to working out now. I have somewhat linked back up with my old training partner, although times are limited and it will be more difficult to workout together. The fact that I get a message saying “Hey I am about to get on my spin bike and you should too” seems to help hold me accountable enough.  The other times are because Amie had also tried to encourage me to go do my workouts and make time for it. I am sure she suggested it about 5 times for every 1 time I got on the bike before Christmas. Regardless having people hold you accountable was a key to my previous success. I have been exhausted and drained from work everyday, I am definitely much more busy in this position as most days I take 5 min lunch at my desk while working. This year I am going to stop that. I need to stop sit down and eat properly again. I have admittedly put on 20 lbs since I started this job (shh its really more like 30) But I am calling it 20, I won’t say it is all my bad choices I have made here food wise. But rushing and not eating properly is definitely part of it. Running back to a desk and instead of eating properly. You opt to grab the quick to eat item.

The more I have worked out lately the more I remind myself it is easier to make better food choices than it is to have to work harder at running and cycling. Because let me tell you the 25 mins I spent on the treadmill the other night was pure crap. When I think of what I ate and what little 25 mins on a treadmill burns off. Well let’s stop talking about it. It is physically easier to control what I put in my YAP. Mentally it sucks cause I want peanut butter cups and icecream and bread. I would have to say that has been my biggest downfall the increase in bread and decrease in protein. I am working on changing this, mainly because of my family. As much as I want to blame the quick rushing family lifestyle and work for it being busy. The reality is I want to be around to see them in the future and I need to make better choices and lead by example.

So time to cut this off before I ramble on forever (not that I do that). I will say I was dreading coming back to work in the new year. I wanted that one more day off to complete a full 2 week block off. Seeing we spent over half of Christmas holidays with a sick household and running around to all the family functions etc. We finally had a few days to unwind and start to hang out. We are about to get back into a rush again of work and school and Amie finishing up her last semester of school. By the way she total rocked her first semester with a very impressive list of marks. WOOT WOOT. I woke up alone and left the house before anyone was awake on my first day back to work. There was some solace in the quite I had before heading to work to take on the day. Lucky I forgot my wallet and Amie had to drop it off to me. Why you ask? go ahead ask I am waiting…….. Ok because the min I open the door to the car and saw everyone smiling and happy, the kids saying hi and Kerrigan shouting Daaaie Daaaie. her version of Daddy. It makes me realize it is important to stay healthy and happy and a role model to the kids as they grow up.

Until my next blog. Which could be soon or hell I could wait till December. I mean I am 50% of the way there already at beating 2014. Ok technically 33% of the way in beating it.

Am I compensating

Am I compensating?

I mean really when you look at the big picture you have to wonder. No I don’t mean I wear a suit and drive a Porsche, not that kind of compensating get your damn minds out of the gutter. I mean I haven’t been able to run and have had issues in my left knee. I keep getting sharp pains below the knee cap and having other issues. As a result from my ongoing left side of my body causing problems, my good right side is rewarding me with muscle pains as I felt while being massaged tonight. I am not sure if Amie enjoyed watching me in that pain or felt she was helping or if she could even see me through the tears pouring out of my eyes as she hit knot after knot in my calves. The left side first please it is what hurts and where all my issues are. Now the right side this will be easy it is my good si….. SON OF A B*&CH what just OW stop.  No keep going, no stop OMG. Really this was just a massage I swear. Turns out my right side was worse then my left. Compensation, is an amazing thing the body is capable of. So as per a previous blog. Nope I am not going to his some of those goals this year. And here is the reality of why.

As my daughter is about to turn 8 months old (WHAT) I have come to a realization that her time and the weather have held me back in working out. Or so that is how some people see it. I see it as me making a choice in what I want to do and when I can do it. In the beginning it is difficult in so many ways. The baby takes up time and you feel a responsibility to be there. You don’t want to miss anything or feel like you are depriving them of your precious time.

I know this is my only child, Trust me I had my nuts chopped. This pet has been spayed and neutered so Bob Barker eat your heart out. I finally listened to your long term message after all those years of watching wheel of fortune at gramma’s house. Any of you guys considering a vasectomy out there, go get it done, it was a piece of cake. Easy peasy (there is a frozen pea pun in there) I had no issues with my operation. (ok SHHHHH don’t tell this to the ladies but I damn near died or so I thought as a man was cutting open my…) wait too much detail sorry. Ok ok it hurt like hell for me because I don’t freeze easy but it was over in 10 mins. Back to the real story. My beautiful daughter whom when I walk in the door smiles and gets excited to see me every single day no matter how I feel or what stresses I have from my new job, life, money etc. She is just darn excited to see me every day. And the two other step kids for lack of a better term, who come running to see me, like tonight as I walk in the door and made it home in time to see them as they were leaving. Who invented a stupid alienated term step kid. Sounds awful anyways.

The reality is some friends and people have struggled with where I am at. You are a parent now your life is different they say,  you are different they say, things will never be the same they say. Is this a true statement? First who the hell are THEY? anyways. I will answer yes and no. Is my life different? HELL YES I would be fibbing if I said no. Am I different, HELL NO. I have less free time that is a for sure thing that I can not completely control that to some extent. The problem with some people is they see this life change as all encompassing and have the inability to understand you are still the same person and less free time is the only real change I have. But as a parent others enforce the feeling of everything has changed on  you from time to time. I have something for people that think like that. Deal with it. Here is my availability schedule, if you can’t make the most of that and would rather shun me for it then it is your loss not mine. Take a shrunken window and just enjoy it for what it is. Either you enjoy having my friendship or you don’t. But I am not going to be the person that jumps for everyone now. I have done it so much in the past and I love helping people but I am curious who would help me when I need it now.

My life has changed and I am blessed for my past and for my future. I have someone in my life who is very important to me. It is hard to even explain Amie and my appreciate that grows for her every day. Life has many challenges and it is filled with mountains to climb and dark days, these days are far and few between, but do exist often we take slightly overcast days and try to make them feel like tropical shit storms. But having someone by my side that is passionate, persevering, encouraging, intelligent, driven, caring, honest, sincere, a great mother, mentor, friend has been amazing experience. I don’t have enough words for her and never will. She continues to empower me and make me realize my own strengths. We have been through trying times both internal and external to our relationship and every mountain we climb, we seem to do it together and my appreciation for her grows even greater. It is not a fairytale relationship, I am not trying to paint that picture because I think that image is a flaw. I think it is darn close, but it takes work to make that happen and it takes two people willing to always work, to always improve, it takes a partner. I can honestly say I have that. I really have it and every time we take on something new I feel myself growing stronger in that appreciation and love for her. Look I could go on with the mushy stuff all day but just want to stress to people out there it is important to have a true partner. Someone who puts down their cell phone and you talk to every night, someone who turns off the TV show or their sports game or video game because that isn’t what is really important. Their partner is.  Not to say you can’t have that tv, video game sports time too.But you truly need that real connection and I think you need to re connect daily.

The more I go out for dinner with friends or people and look around at everyone on their phone the more my appreciation grows. Not long ago Amie and I went for coffee. Yes I still like to date my girlfriend and plan to the rest of my life. As we sat down and talked over coffee and people watched, which we both like to do. I saw a table of older well dressed ladies talking away. Another couple on what looked like an awkward meeting or awkward first date. And a couple of girls in their late teens early 20’s having coffee. And another couple near the back all on their phones. They were on there cell phones texting away and not even speaking to each other. A sad state if you ask me. I am guilty of being on my phone too much. But I am happy to have someone that puts their phone down for me and she is worth me putting my phone down for her.

Ok so the kids the family and making time to workout. I am trying and Amie is helping, with this being my first child, she is encouraging me to go out and do things and making sure I try to work out. I was reduced to yoga and riding because of my knee. Weather hasn’t been there for the riding much. And I have been making it to yoga 2 days a week. She starts volleyball soon and the kids are busy too with karate, gymnastics, horseback riding, soccer etc. It all takes time and we all get busy and I realize I need to have my life too in order to be a good parent but I am having a hard time doing that and not feeling guilty so far. I finally managed a run on the weekend 4km and it was good it felt good, other then I wanted to quit about 394 times because it was work and felt like work. But no sharp pains finally. This is good because running only takes 30 mins for me to get a work out in and I can do it from home. I hope to make a slow return to it and catch up to some friends who have gotten real fast. Props to my running buddy Carla for making some huge advances and Personal bests this year in the 10k and 5k. She is kicking butt.

So here is the reality. I have a daughter who fills my heart, a partner who fills my heart, two other children who accept me and fill my heart. I have some good friends who I don’t always get to see or do things with (I am going to work on this. And thank you for asking me when my next blog was) Because it is important for me to make an effort too. But it is important for people to know I am still the real me the one the only. Have I changed? Maybe. But if you know me with my Engineering background my life is built around change my childhood around change my upbringing around change. Change is a good thing. It fosters growth. Sitting around doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is really the definition of insanity. Amie read this off of post today from Kim and I have to agree.

Decide what it is you want.

Write that shit down.

Make a fucking plan.

And…..

WORK ON IT.

 

As good as my relationship is at home. I am going to keep working on it. As for relationships with friends. I am writing things down and going to work on friendships but for me to work hard for friends anymore, it is going to have to be like it is in my house because I am worth it.

Reciprocated.

 

No Drive or Crappy Winter?

Epic personal debate with myself.

Is it this damn weather that is killing me or is it some loss of desire? No fibbing I am up on weight and I am sure some other people are as well this winter. I always go up 10-15 lbs in the winter. This winter it is more like 25-29 lbs and it is driving me nuts to have this extra weight on me. I know how to take it off and how to get rid of it. Eating right and regular exercise just like I do every year. One problem ok two problems. I haven’t exactly been eating right and I have been a bit more lazy than normal when it comes to making food and prepping food for the week. I start back at it and then I slip away as quick as I start.

Here is the big kicker. I have had very little desire to work out. I no longer seem to get the runners high, or the good feeling after a spin class. I know workouts can be tough and sometimes they can be hard and not so fun. But that sense of accomplishment when it is over was always good enough t0 feel like I accomplished something. Right now I don’t get that feeling anymore. When I go out for a run everything seems to hurt. I can’t breath, my knee hurts, my hip feels out of place, I get shin splints and I can’t keep pace with anyone. I was already slow enough, now I can’t even keep up with other people I used to run with. And when the run is done I have feel twice as miserable as when I started.

I am sitting here now because I was going to go for a run. I just had Amie try to encourage me and I came up with every excuse under the sun. My other running partners have text me and facebooked me. Wait is facebooked even a damn word? how would I know I am an Engineer and I am still trying to learn how to properly use Than, Then, your you’re.  But I can do calculus. As usual I digress onto something else. Maybe I am trying to redirect myself in the fact I feel miserable and I am crabby with myself right now.  Anyways I have provided a ton of excuses to all these people and some of them were pretty honest like. Fuck no it is -20C outside who the fuck wants to run in this shit. I don’t mind running when it is cool but I certainly think -20C is not for me.  While today it is like +2C and I am complaining it is cold. I mean it is mid April and this weather is stupid.

So ya you can tell me to just get back at it. Go out there and stop making excuses. But how do you get past that when you have an internal war. I don’t want to be overweight and I don’t want to carry this extra 25+ lbs. But I don’t want to work out. I keep telling myself it is the weather and once it is warm and I get out on my new bicycle everything will get better. Spring run clinic is on and I am helping with it as usual but darn it on Monday I was struggling myself and it was week 3. These people are coming to me for guidance and encouragement and I manage to keep a straight face and talk positive and provide input when inside I am screaming that I don’t want to be here and it hurts to run and I don’t have a desire to run.

I have lost my desire the min I crossed the finish line at Detroit in the Fall. I am sure it is the loss of cardio combined with what I knew I could run combined with winter and other obligations.

I hope I can find this again. I had a tiny Glimpse of it as Amie and I ran on Saturday with a tad bit of warmer weather. I hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that the desire comes back or the runners high comes again.

I have tried buying new shoes and a new bike. And yet here I sit typing a blog that is just another excuse to not run. I mean it is cold out, my stomach is not doing well with food. My new job is taxing me mentally as of late, I feel drained and depressed by it all.

Here is hoping spring is actually around the corner.

2013 Winding Up

Well long time no blog again. The reality is that I have sat down and started to write updates several times. My blog is my spot where I am most honest with myself and if you know me then you know that I have had a heck of a roller coaster of a year. So with respect to a conversation that Amie and I had about tough conversations and a great TED talk video about tossing out a hand grenade. Here is the hand grenade and the main reason I avoided updating my blog. Yes I am now divorced from my wife and it isn’t that I don’t like her or that we don’t like each other, we have simply grown apart and are on different paths. I now have a Girlfriend who has two great kids of her own and we now have a Daughter who turns 2 months old tomorrow. No sugar coating no down play or up play. It is what it is and I am running into people who are scared to talk to me or look the other way. Why because as Amie and I talked, tough conversations are tough conversations. And in the world of social networking I think people have an even harder time talking in person. Because we are busy trying to portray some perfect image on social networking sites where we hide what we think are flaws or things we don’t want people to know. The reality is each and everyone of you have a closet to come out of and things you are hiding or don’t know how to talk about. Think about it for a minute or two. Is your social network image the real you? Regardless there it is out in the open so if you see me don’t be afraid to speak to me about anything. I am learning myself how to openly speak about everything.

Now onto the working out triathlon, running, swimming etc side of me. Along with this I have not really worked out this year as my life has been busy and I am adjusting. But I am now finding a balance and working towards a balance.  I sold my triathlon bike to a friend so that he could have a chance to ride, train and race on a triathlon bike. He will put it to good use there is no doubt about that. I made justification in my own head that I could get away with a road bike only. And I had a tentative deal setup for a newer triathlon bike in the works. Reality is that deal has fallen through and I am sad that my bike is gone. But with that comes the fun of looking for a new bike and educating myself on what I want. Happy bike shopping to me in the near future and in 2014.

Onto the other part and that is getting back to setting some goals. I need to set some goals that are manageable and realistic for myself. I realize without goals I don’t get off my bum and do anything. And frankly I can’t see my own bum because it is behind me and right now that might be good as I am up on weight. This fall I completed Detroit Half Marathon again and although I managed to shave 5 mins off my last time. I did that by starting the training late and missing 30% of my training runs. I paid for it the last 3 km in severe pain and for a few weeks after the race. But I managed to get it done and came home and put my medal on my 2 week old daughter. Who was down at the race watching me. Not that she is going to remember, but I believe it was important to set that impression from the start for her. That her Dad not only ran a Half Marathon when she was 2 weeks old but that her Mom Amie not only supported me but initially challenged me to do the race and show that we both managed commitments and time and worked as a team to make achievements. I wouldn’t have done it without my two training buddies as well. Thanks Pru and Carla.

So here it is 2014 goals. This came to me as I was on my ride home tonight. I can’t dedicate time to long races next year but I can dedicate time to short races. I want to PR on a 5km run next year. I will aim for the first run of the season Stef and I normally go to. I skipped it this year and I regret it. I want to get stronger on the bike and the run. Again I am going to focus on short distance and speed. I am going to rely on Mark in the future to push me along with a few others. I am going to run with a running stroller it should help build endurance and I am going to focus on short distance runs and my eating. I won’t focus on my eating until after we get through the holidays and probably even January. After that I am going to focus greatly on my eating and my weight to get down to a race weight to support faster runs. I will not race anything over 10km next season. Frankly I have never done a 10km race and I want to add that to my list of goals.

2014

Fastest 5km run10km race (never done it so it will be my fastest)

Beat my Sprint distance time at Rondeau

Attempt another triathlon somewhere other then Leamington and Rondeau and maybe even try an Xterra race.

Those are my 2014 goals so far. I may add more as time goes on. So I have dropped my grenade and all the info is out there and I am now back to blogging, working out and leading by example. I have a beautiful healthy daughter that needs me to ensure I am a good example. I have a great Girlfriend that supports and challenges me. And my Daughter has a sister and a brother that I also want to be an example for as well.  See you on the road, in the pool, on a run or in my blog.

I recently posted this and it makes perfect sense to me more now then ever.

So many times I wish I could have lived my life without making any wrong turns. In reality, a path like that doesn’t exist. We fall. We get lost. We make mistakes. We get up and live. – To me this means success.

Ok is summer really coming

So I have come to a realization that having surgery has caused some other issues. I have all kinds of tightness on my opposite side. Likely from it having to do more work while I was waiting for surgery. Regardless I have been to yoga off and on and running off and on. A few swims here and there and I have been out biking a bit. But to be truly honest with you and everyone, I have been slacking right the heck off. I have had the excuse of crappy weather and it doesn’t feel nice out and it is raining and snowing. I don’t want to hurt my knee etc etc.

Well I was reading a little today about something in finance and sales called the compound effect. Where sales people work hard and start with very little in the financial world but one lead turns into another lead and soon that person is making 3 or 4 calls a day that are real leads. They sell a little here and there and keep working their way up. I have had this discussion with a friend that is in the finance world and I think he has done pretty good for himself. He talks a lot about his early years and how he made no income at all and could barely pay his bills. I think his career has changed since then. He pushed past another thing I am aware of in life a kind of tipping point or separation point. That hard spot where people get to and then give up or stop trying. Once you reach this separation point or tipping point and you push past it and keep going you can then experience the compound effect. This is where things start to come together. For my friend it was years later he finally started to see success in the investment world and then become a bit of an elite investor with high end clients. He didn’t get there by luck or pure skill. He managed to get there because he pushed past the tipping point and then the compound effect started to work. One high end client invested then another then he told a friend who told a friend and the compound effect kicks and and it keeps on growing. Because he was willing to stick it out and push pass all of this.

Well I think the compound effect can work the other way too. Miss one workout, have one thing go wrong in your life and then feed into it then another thing goes wrong and another. Soon you are not working out at all and you are gaining weight and eating candy and chocolate and why bother it is too late you have slipped too far. Then you start breeding negativity and laziness and soo you are so far from the tipping point, that you can not even see it again. This is where I have been as of late. However I can see the tipping point once again. I am just working on dealing with the compound effect and utilizing it as a tool to get me back to where I was. I am less then 2 months away from my first triathlon this season and I am 25 lbs heavier then last year and I am hardly working out. I will start again and I will get over the separation point where you want to give up and push pass.

You see the compound effect started for me about 3 years ago, myself and my weight and a friend helping me run and do my fist triathlon. From there years later I see the compound effect now. I see how it has grown from doing a few triathlons and a couple of small learn to run clinics. It has compounded to the point where there are now Several running clubs and boot camps in Chatham. Maple City Mile, Up & Running, RunCK, St.Clair College Healthplex, YMCA running groups. Blair Brothers Boot Camp, Ben Labadie Boot Camp. Chatham is has now launched TRICK a triathlon club that is just getting off the ground. Now I am not Claiming that Stef or myself were the only people to make this happen. But I like to think that we helped become part of this compound effect and we helped people learn to run and in turn they inspired others and those people inspired others. All of these people in groups are doing great things that are compounding to make our community a much more healthy community. Coming from a town that is at the top of the charts with heart problems. I hope each of you in these clubs, running groups and boot camps realize you are part of the compound effect and that you inspire others. I don’t just mean the people that run the clubs but the people that participate in their very first boot camp or couch to 5k clinic. You are the future of this effect, you are the expansion of this revolution in a healthy lifestyle.

It is the return to our learn to run clinic this spring that is inspiring me to see that tipping point again and know that it is a goal within reach. That I can push past this feeling and these sensations and make a full return to triathlons and running. It is some running partners I have had along the way that I started running with again that motivate me and make me committed to do all of this again this year.

Two things to carry you through this season. Push past that separation point. That point where you become the new you and don’t look back at the old you. That point where you don’t think you can do this any longer but really you can. That point where you want to quit but know that you shouldn’t and that you don’t have to. That point where you stop listening to your own excuses and just get up and move. From this you will eventually see the compound effect with family and friends around you and you will have created impact.

To my friend Stef. If you could only ever realize how much you were part of starting this revolution in myself and so many others. You would realize that you have had way more impact on people you may not even know and you would understand you have more purpose in life than you may ever know.

Happy 2013 Race Season.

Coming back from Surgery

So what is it like to come back from knee surgery and get back into running, swimming, cycling, triathlon? Well IT SUCKS my Royal you know what. Go ahead fill in the blank with your own foul word. I will wait for you. If you have been through injuries and surgery like me then you will likely use more then one foul word. I am ok with that as I have forewarned people my blog may have these words from time to time.

I have to say physically it is going better then I thought it would. I have done some running on the treadmill and more recently outside and even had the opportunity to connect with a running buddy I have run with since just after I started running. This was pretty awesome because running alone right now is something I am not good at. See being out of commission for so many months has brought about a new condition for me. Ok it isn’t so damn new it really made part of my old life I had for so many years resurface. The sitting on the couch playing video games eating jujubes and junk food like it a food group from the Canada food guide. Turns out this is not really what you are supposed to do. I am really struggling to put down the junk food and work out. I am eating ok during the day but I tend to come apart at night.

My commitment to myself needs to improve. I had more drive when I was 80 lbs heavier then I do now. So this last week I have been to yoga, spin classes, swimming and even got up and ran before work in the bitter cold wind. I have to tell you when I was working out all the time, I hated the odd workout and I would push through it and move on. Right now I hate and I mean I hate every workout. I don’t want to be there, I don’t want to work out my brain is screaming at me to just stop the whole damn time. I keep pushing through this and I am not sure who will win the fight yet. It took all I had last night to make it to the YMCA and swim. Every workout feels so hard to do as well because of my decreased cardio and muscle and the extra 20+ lbs I have on me right now.

Upside we start run clinics at Up&Running in less then two weeks. This has always inspired me to meet new people who can not run at all (ps I am not a fast runner) But most of these people in our learn to run clinic bring me back to my roots and where I started and remind me of how hard it was to just start. And how blessed I am to weigh less now and live a more active lifestyle and how I was able to turn my life around and start something new for myself. I can’t wait to meet some of these new people and help them change their life the way I have changed mine. They don’t know it yet but they are all about to inspire me. They might be looking to a former fat guy like me to inspire them but the reality is I need them right now as much as they will need me.

So here is to 2013 learn to run clinic with my friends and running gurus that I do this with and all the new and past people I have seen in clinics.

I hope I can keep pushing through this mental block and you can inspire me. Because this year I am going back to Leamington Triathlon and fixing all my mistakes I made last time. I might have to run a little slower because of my knee. But that just means I need to work harder on my swimming and my cycling.

To anyone else out there injured. You can get through it and if you have tips on the recovery side let me know. I am really hoping it is just this crappy winter weather still dragging me down. I think we should take wiarton willie and threaten him with his little gopher life.. oh wait ground hog life whatever that stupid rodent is he isn’t getting my vote for Premier in the next election.

Why do I run

Ok I actually wrote this a few months back and never posted it.  A lot of stuff has gone on and I can say that after knee surgery I was and have been on an emotional roller coaster and probably depressed with a few things. But part of that is allowing yourself to get there and not controlling yourself. It was affecting my job, personal life and some people around me I am sure.  I don’t believe I will make a return back to any long distance running this season, I will limit myself to some 5k runs and sprint triathlons but I am able to be back at it and so far pain free. Anyway more updates to some here is a post I wrote about why I run. I read it to myself and with clinics coming up, I realized that I need to read some of the stuff I write once in a while, because it isn’t actually too bad of stuff to read.

Why do I run?

            I just had a recent opportunity to sit down and really think about this and think about, why do I run? Or lately more so about the lack of running I have been doing with my knee injury. Ya ya ya, you are sick of hearing about this knee of mine. Well so am I frankly, sick of living with it too. But alas I finally have a surgery date and glad that it was finally booked. Booked for Dec 21 this year. 4-5 holes in my knee with some of the meniscus that will be cut off the posterior side, along with bone fragment removed. And then a buckle tear that will be repaired on the Anterior side of my knee. I have researched this enough in the last little while that I was tempted to do my own surgery. I hear that I can be very impatient at times, at least that is what some people tell me.

Ok I digress as usual. I was recently questioned a couple times about why I run and about my first 5km race and my fastest 5km race time and the circumstances made me realize I should put running in its real perspective and how the majority of the people I run with see it. First of all lets start off with my first 5km race it was 33:something something something.. Who cares what it was?? I ran with a friend that was in a “Learn to run clinic”. The first run clinic that I helped with in 2010 and I had never personally raced a 5k run before. You see I started running as a goal to get healthy, loose weight or was it lose weight? (Go ahead laugh you know who you are, Engineers can’t spell) I also needed running to achieve a bigger goal of doing my first triathlon. My time was based on the girl I was running with it was her first race and I was there to help her get through it. So you see my first 5km race wasn’t even about me and my own achievement. I paid my entry fee and I ran my first race to support someone else. Yes she swore a few times while running yes we stopped and walked a couple of times and yes I made her start running again. So you see my very first 5k race was not even my time. You know why. My race times are not important to me in the big picture.

Race times are personal goals you set for yourself for unselfish reasons. They are there to monitor your own improvement and your own gains in your health. Running is competitive to you and not to others. The running community is supportive of one and other no matter what your time is. I gained so much more helping someone get to the end of their race rather then trying to beat anyone’s time. You can’t not replace that feeling even with the feeling I had on my fastest 5km run. By the way I felt on the verge of puking and massive side stitch pain. Crossing a finish line and telling someone you beat them in their run time is not something I have ever heard at a race since I started in 2010. Because run times are personal.

I run to get healthy, maintain health, help others achieve what they thought were impossible goals. I run to get out my front door and leave work and the world behind. I run to get in that zone where music pumps in your ears and your feet hit the ground in a fluid motion and every step removes another ounce of stress from my body. I make the fear, anger, and stress, anxiety leave my brain and I sink into the lazyboy section of my brain and shut off the rest of the world. It helps me escape in a way that no other legal option could. Come on you were thinking it too.

This brings me to my fastest time. I have yet to set my fastest time for various reasons. I have seen improvements in my triathlon sports and I continue to see them. So my fastest time today is not going to be my fastest time tomorrow. I will come back from my knee, recover and I will beat my previous times, I will also reach a point where improvements will be far and few between unless I dedicate my life to these sports and that isn’t going to happen. I like to live life a little too. I like beer, scuba diving, helping others and taking on other challenges. In the end only I look at my times and care about them. I run with people much faster then me and I run with people much slower then me. Fast and slow is only relative toyou if you are concerned about it. It does not solely represent who I am when I run.

I run because I can and because I can help others. I run because running has taught me more about life then I could ever imagine. I learn from running because I allow myself to learn from my life experiences. Mostly I run because my training partner says “It Builds Character” I personally think she has been lying to me all these years but I still keep falling for it.

What ever the reason make sure you run for you. Run for yourself. If you are no, Than you are just wasting your time and missing out on a real opportunity of what running can provide you in your life.

A Fairwell to my best friend-

If you don’t like sad things. I suggest you close the page now and move on. If you can bare with me then you will understand why and you likely already know anyways about the passing of my best friend, my puppy Sasha.

Today I had to help my best friend over the rainbow bridge. I had to say good bye to my beloved Sasha. I knew this day would come sometime and I have lived in fear of it for a while now. I did not know it would be this hard. So to help me through this I am going to do what I do. I am going to write down here and help get it off my chest if only to ease a little pain.

Nov 9 2002 Sasha was born. Tina and I were on a long waiting list and frankly the list was even longer to start. See I had to convince Tina to get a dog she really never wanted a dog. I on the other hand wanted an Alaskan Malamute since I was about 15-16. Once I selected a breeder and Tina and I went up to meet her and her dogs it only took a few wooos and some howling and prancing paws to convince her that she was now a dog person. I remember I was driving home from way up north snowmobiling when we got the call we could pick her up. I came home turned around and right back up to London to get her. She had the worst puppy breath ever. If you are ever thinking of a Malamute this is one downside that is for sure.

We brought home the little bundle of joy and loved her and snuggled her. We tried caging her like a good dog and puppy to start and did it in another room. Right off the bat she showed us how stubborn and determined she was. She would back up and slam the cage to move it closer to the door to come see us. I had to give in and put her cage beside us in the Bedroom. At 40 lbs I tied her to my snowmobile to run in the house while BBQing and I came back out to find my snowmobile 8 feet further ahead. Determined strong bugger who didn’t want to be away from us. I also remember her one ear finally lifting and going into place from floppy puppy ear. It was like two weeks later and Tina thought her other ear was broken and might never go into place. Well it did finally. Which is good, I was afraid I might come home and find that Tina duct taped the ear up.

She was born near the same time as a friend of ours son. I recall them coming over to see her and he was sound asleep in baby carrier and Sasha tore over him and cause the carrier to to a full barrel roll. Needless to say the little dude never woke up. Sasha ate 2 of our couches as a puppy and I am sure I was mad at her and yelled. But she still wagged her tail and kissed me as to say “Hey I did a good job on this giant stuff toy right?”

We had numerous trips to Tobermory with her camping and walking up town where she would woooo at everyone until she got everyones attention. Or she would wooo at us and I would always talk to her like she was chewbacca from star wars “What’s wrong with the hyper drive chewy?” She won everyone’s heart where ever she went. But she never won Tina or I’s heart. She completely Stole it from us and we loved every minute with her. My dog soon turned into Tina’s big 85 lb lap dog. We took her swimming at the light house in Tobermory and down the boat ramp where she wanted to eat or chase the ducks. She laid by campfires where I was always worried her giant coat would go up in flames some day because she got so close to it.

She even helped me get back into running a few weeks ago after my knee surgery when I took her on a few runs. I could go on and on and on about all the amazing things she did for myself Tina and others. Converted a few non dog lovers to Sasha lovers. Watching her turn this weekend was a rough thing to do. So Tina and I spent last night and this morning giving her lots of snuggles. I never thought I could do it but I took her in this morning and yes putting a dog down is rough. But she has been in pain for a while and she was stubborn enough to keep fighting pain. We knew it was time and to watch her go to peace today put me at ease. She had a smile on her face and I could tell the pain she had this weekend was gone. She had lost a lot of weight the last few weeks and wasn’t eating. Xrays on Sunday showed a Large Mass in her stomach that was pushing things over and making it hard for her to eat and digest and causing pain. I seen enough pain and I was able to relieve her of that and see her at peace today.

I am torn between tears of sadness and happiness hitting my keyboard as I type. I just spent some time with Tina and hung her collar up on the mirror of my car so she will always be with me. She is running free now with many other friends dogs. She is at the Rainbow Bridge and no longer in pain and I hoep she is woooing and stomping her feet playing in the snow where I will be reunited with her some day. The day you say good bye to your best friend is harder then any other. Because they love you unconditionally like no human can. They listen to you on sad days happy days and they just love you no matter what. An Unconditional love that can never be replaces.  I didn’t want to put this out there I know it will upset some of you as you read. But as I pulled in my drive way and didn’t see a dog in the window the pain in my heart needs to be relieved and this is one of the only ways I know how.

I am sorry if I upset anyone.

Tina and I both love our beloved Sasha “Terrapin’s Sugar N’ Spice” A sweet heart that I will never be able to replace. My heart aches for you baby. Run Free          

Post Surgery

Well, I promised I wouldn’t fall off the blog wagon.

It has been about 13 hours since I woke up in the recovery room at the hospital from my knee surgery. If you read my last blog, you know I was stressed and freaking out about being in the hospital, and the surgery taking place. Well here is where you can all laugh and call me a wimp, because it didn’t go that bad if you ask me now. Sure I am wide awake at 5am and I am getting some pain meds in me. By the way I got ripped off on the good stuff. Crappy ass Tylenol 3. Whoopy shit! That stuff does nothing for me. I suspect that the swelling and pain will become worse over the next 24-36 hours and that will be the worst of it. I am trying not to walk much but I am baring weight on it already.

So in my usual fashion of little things going wrong and playing with my patience leading up to this, I started to get nasal congestion and what I thought was a cold coming on before surgery. They won’t operate on me while sick. I contacted a friend that is a nurse and her sister, and spoke to both of them. I left work on Wed., came home, ate good hot spicy foods and more manderins and other fruit then I care to think about. Several applications of my Neti-pot to keep sinus cavity clear. Crisis number 1 seemed to be avoided. Thursday I got a call they pushed my surgery back 30 mins. No big deal. Went in on Friday and there were power outages happening at the hospital, so surgeries were behind about 2 hours. This made the stay leading up to it not so awesome for a guy like me in panic mode. Only other time I have been in the hospital really is when I was bitten by a spider and had to spend several days in there back in grade 12 with tubes running through my leg and talks of amputation if the swelling didn’t go down. So you see I hate hospitals and surgery talk. And this was my first time being put out.

Ok so I get even more wimpy. You might laugh at this but I wasn’t the only one there that did this. After not eating for oh 13 hours they put a needle in my vein and then hooked up my IV. The minute they turned the IV on and it I felt the cold rush up my arm, I started to get dizzy. Good thing I knew the nurse doing this. I was focusing on her. She asked if I was ok. I said I was a bit dizzy. Cause hey I am a man and I can take it right. Ya it turns out I went white as a ghost and they had to put me on a bed. The tunnel vision kicked in and I darn near passed out. Once up and on the bed I was ok laying down. I know I know what all my women friends that have had kids are thinking. Men are such babies, total wussys…. Well ladies… you are right. I was lucky to have good people at my side yesterday. And I knew several staff at the hospital as well which helped to calm me a bit. And by a bit I mean you could apparently feel my heat beat in my right shoulder leading up to my surgery.

Finally the time came and they wheeled me back and had me stand up to go into the ER room. I went to stand up and my hospital gown caught and well everyone got to see the full me exposed at the ER. I really kept trying to claim how cold it was in there and I apologized for not give them a big show. I swear it really was like as cold as when you step into the lake in the spring. Men you totally know where I am going with this right. Meh by this point I didn’t care I just wanted it done. So they put me down on the operating table and the Anesthesiologist talked to me about how she was going to put two medications in me. The first to relax me and the second one would go in a little later too………………………… Wooooo what the hell room am I in and what is this mask on my face. Oh hello lady when does my surgery start. What do you mean I am done and I just lost 2hs hours of my life. I guess I am a total light weight I passed right out before the second med was even delivered.

I came to feeling pretty well. A couple of checks on my blood pressure and I was wheeled out into recovery with people waiting for me. Here is where some things get funny. First thing I did was check to see they left my manhood attached and they had not added a vagina. No seriously I did this. Then the nurse got me some fiber cookies and gingerale. Apparently I asked if I looked like I was 70 and needed fiber cookies. I had jujubes waiting for me YAY. As I was eating those the nurse tried to tell me they would be good they contained protein. I almost went into a full on debate about how they don’t and how she was an idiot but I was sort of shushed. Which is best. I do recall having a confused look on my face when she told me no. They really do contain protein and gelatin made from goat hoofs. To which I then responded Really Goats feet. I like Goat Cheese so I guess that is ok.

I know I also told someone they looked Pretty when I seaw them. I am sure I wasn’t lying about this. I was just speaking freely and why not? Now is your chance to say what you want and blame it all on the drugs right? I was also told that as they wheeled me in to recovery amongst a full recovery room I announced in a loud voice about being pissed off that I didn’t turn into a zombie and become the one to start the world Apocalypse yesterday. I am told several people around me were shaking their head and possibly felt sorry for the people with me. I think there were several other things I said as well but lets leave it at that. I might toss them in the next update.

I will say overall I am doing well; much better then I anticipated or was all worked up about. I have a lot of good friends by my side and many people asking for updates. I appreciate all of you that checked in with me yesterday and I will get a good chance to do a write up on the knee icing wrap that was provided me by the owners of Up&Running. I see lots of Netflix and TV time in the next few days. After recovery it is time to get back to some working out, eating right and on the road to 2013 with some triathlons in the future. I may not be able to pull off my half Ironman this year but I am certainly not counting it out at this point. Time will tell if that happens or not. For now I just want to get back to running with friends, enjoying my work outs pain free, doing run clinics for the spring at the store and being able to scuba dive this season. Something I really enjoy doing. If I can get back to that capacity this year I will have a great year.

Thanks Everyone for your support